I turn the key in the ignition. And we’re off. This is my think tank. My moving box of solitude to connect all the dots.

She hasn’t crossed my mind in weeks. As close as we believe to be, we rarely make an effort to stay up to date in each other’s lives. Not that I need a daily check up, but I’ve never turned sour over a love note. We all need reminders that we are appreciated as is. I just want a phone call. I’ll even settle for a text.

I can’t decide if I want the closeness. Besides, she’s probably busy numbing herself and putting up more walls to attach her mind too. Shame. She’s another wasted potential. Judgement.

It’s 3:30pm, why the hell did I decide to drive at this time in the city? The bumpers begin to blur like Tetris and my mind wanders off. A different thought intersects. I remember her laugh. I can see her head tossed back, curls a flow and innocent joy filling her insides. That’s my favorite picture of her, tucked away. So who really has walls then? I certainly haven’t called. I certainly haven’t made my most valiant effort, but of course, I’ll blame anyone but myself. I don’t need anymore self doubt to interfere.

Am I bringing my best self? Not even a question. If I was, the preceding chatter wouldn’t exist. *ring, ring* No way… she’s calling. Can she hear me? Does she know I’m thinking of her? Yes, of course. Our distracted, slightly nervous chatter drowns out the traffic. She seems well, but she’s holding back.

It’s this surfaced conversation that makes me realize that she can feel every thought I have toward her. Every judgement that separates. Every stone cast. This is no glass house I am living in. It’s time to accept her as is. No expectations for the life I see fit for her. In my acceptance of her, lies greater acceptance of own self.

We are all energetic beings. Being so, we are deeply aware of our surroundings and the elements that affect it. Think differently. We can feel all thoughts in between.

The call ends and traffic clears. Here, in my moving box of solitude I feel a wave of warmth as if she’s giving a hug from a far. I return the embrace.